REPP56

To kill myself… I've tried before.. How many times have I lied to myself?.. That I could ever be normal or happy.. That my existence in this world will ever be anything more than insignificant and miniscule.. How can I be happy when everything hurts? How can I be happy when she says "I'm sorry"? How can I leave this world when she needs me.. How can I stay in this world if I'll never know if she does?. I ask yet I let me get to me time and time again.. Lies and deceit.. Such are the perpetual lifeblood of this melancholy existence.. "Don't let me go" she says… Can't you see? I'm already gone…

Cutting yourself is like a game of chess. At first everything's slow, unexciting, bored and dull. But then there's that first move… What do you move first? A pawn, just a shallow little flick, that allows just enough crimson relief to pour, or a knight, a bolder first move deeper and darker letting your feelings come out in synchronization with the cold grey flicks. Second, A little faster Bishops could be in play now, big moves, big relief… Oh how sweet it is to take the life of that unsuspecting pawn, allowing the sweet warmth to bathe your flesh, hungry for more? A few moves later and the Rooks are here, this is where it gets dir

Trapped inside my head, These thought’s won’t cease to be, Though medicated, I feel isolated, I’m losing my humanity, The needle breaks my skin, Another trophy for the wall of shame, I know who to blame, For my pain, Yet the only one judged is me, No jury, No gavel, Only him and his laughter, Claiming me bit by bit, The clock strikes twelve and I go to hell, The blackness is my escape, I squirm as I burn, I twist and I turn, He is the one I hate, Though you bled my heart and broke my head, I’ve had my vengeance, You are dead, Now as you rot, In the abyss, You will never rest, Be sure of this, I took your life once, It will

These hollow eyes, look into me, I'm in a mirror, I'm not what I see, Torn flesh, Covering broken bone,  a broken home, a broken heart, a shattered soul, I'm gasping now, I've run so far, I've collapsed to my knee's, I crawl in the dark, You broke me in half, threw me out and away, You beat me, until my dying day, my eyes are burning, my lungs, they sting, I scream for help, I cannot sing, I'm choking on nothing, something, I am closed, my broken shell, fuels the crows.

…Who am I kidding…Was my happiness just a delusion?..Did it really never exist?.I’ve been trying for so long..In vain I suppose, but trying nonetheless..Is my effort not good enough?..I introspectively laugh at this though…In my sacrificing everything for the few I love, I’ve lost everything..But… I wouldn’t have it any other way.. In my blood, in my heart, in my soul… I’ll never leave them.. Even as the warm crimson drains from my body as my decrepit sacrifice lay barren before them … As the Angel descends to gather me or the Demon ascends to claim me….I can rest at ease…Yes..If I c

Oh God, I’m sorry, I know what I’ve done, You’re safe, that’s great, that’s right, I’m high, I’m searching, spinning every way around till I hit the ground, crashing to the earth splashing to the waters, seeking love and peace, you’re okay, that’s right, it’s over, it’s over, my pain is your salvation, orchestration of my obliteration, castration of my mentality, lifting me like gravity, I don’t wanna be the one to leave you so soon, I want to hold you all the time, but baby, we both know, you’re sleeping alone tonight, as long as you’re safe, in our place, I’m okay, a

Please let me die here…I want to die now…Forever more is how I shall burn, Take my life in turn please leave the one’s I love intact, but please you all stay safe, I’m not coming back. To die for you is the reason I’m here, to martyr myself, I can’t feel fear, I must be strong, but pain for so long…Is all I’ve ever known…I want to feel as though I can see you tonight, But I know that things beyond our control separate us, I can feel it in my blood, it boils like it’s on fire but there is no heat, only the thought of you my darling…I won’t see you tonight…Please dear, let me die,